Podcast Prescriptions: Judge John Hodgman

Ernest Hemingway’s writing was characterized by what he called The Iceberg Theory. This means his narrative focused on the surface elements without explicitly stating the underlying themes, similar to how the majority of an iceberg is underwater. He left it up to his audience to discover what he was really writing about. This dynamic of the Judge John Hodgman Podcast is The Role-Reversed Iceberg Theory, where the guests only discuss the immediate elements of their story, and the host uses the limited amount of given information to deduce and synthesize the narrative and themes of the episode, on the fly.

Judge John Hodgman is the man to call to settle a dispute between friends, loved ones, or any two parties that care enough about each other to have a passionate opinion about an unremarkable conflict. The call-in guests only tell Hodgman the surface elements of the dispute and it’s the responsibility of the Judge to playfully and deceptively uncover the underlying themes behind their issue. When the litigants call in to the show, their goal is simply to win the case, but by opening up about their life to Judge John Hodgman, they’ve unknowingly started a process of self discovery.

A friend isn’t actually mad at his roommate for leaving parties early, he just desperately wants to hold on to his friends and his youth. A mom isn’t being malicious by not allowing her 17 year old son to buy a motorcycle, she’s just struggling come to terms with her child’s new found autonomy as a teenager. A husband isn’t trying to flood the house in TV’s, he’s just trying to bring back their old bonding ritual that having children took away. John Hodgman expertly finds the crux of the issue and uses it to teach the litigants a little about themselves.

For a show whose tagline is,  “Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Only Judge John Hodgman can decide,” the Judge’s final ruling is never clear-cut. He chooses a winner, but his final verdict monologue empathizes with the desires of both parties. The show’s goals isn’t really to choose right and wrong, it’s to promote mutual understanding. With the rest of the internet being so obsessed with combativeness and correctness, Judge John Hodgman works to remind everyone that problems are never black and white.

Every week the show tricks the audience, because you initially listen to the program to laugh at two people bickering about an inane topic, but the show goes beyond that simple premise. The show’s guests work through their dispute, but the audience comes away with their own sense of closure as well. There are no direct moral lessons to be learned from the stories shared on the podcast, like you’d expect from other media. The show features real people and their simple stories, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t any lessons to take away. By pointing a microscope at trivial disputes among loved ones, Judge John Hodgman not only reminds the litigants of their humanity, but everyone listening as well.

Article By Taylor Kalsey

My Video Game Review Manifesto

Video Game reviews are dying because they are boring. Before the internet, the only way learn about a game was to read the review, so logically the reviews provided an in depth description of every single one of the game’s features followed by a qualitative statement of those features. “The game is a military first person shooter set in Vietnam, the player has a large arsenal at their disposal to fight against a variety of enemy types including tanks and helicopters. The shooting is satisfying enough to pull you along the ride of the run-of-the-mill action story.” That style of writing presents you with a general feeling of what the gameplay is like, but is unnecessary in the height of the internet age. Nobody wants to read a couple paragraphs meticulously explaining the game mechanics when a Youtube gameplay clip will provide a more thorough, entertaining, and succinct explanation.

What distinguishes one game from another isn’t the amount of playable characters or how many collectibles there are, it’s how they make you feel. The player’s unique experience is the key difference between video games and other art forms. So why not bring your own personal gaming experience into your writing? Everyone’s review of a game like Hyper Light Drifter is going to mention it’s gorgeous graphics and soundtrack, so why blend in with them in your review? The only thing to make your review standout is your own personal interaction and story while playing the game. This perfectly aligns with the current popular trend of internet Personalities. People don’t want to see vanilla footage of a game, they want to see their favorite youtube personality play that game. Written game reviews should follow their lead, being an objective product review robot is boring. Tell the story of your experience playing the game. The wording in the story should be evident of your opinion about the game.

The review/story should be short and to the point. The internet has bred ephemeral media and a short attention span, so your writing has to be aware of this. Cutting out all of the extraneous information about the game’s nuts and bolts automatically reduces word count, but it’s always important to double check your writing. If anything does not help you tell the story of your experience playing the game, get rid of it.

I do not believe in the necessity of ratings systems for this style of writing. The rating is a the short form of your opinion of the game, but with this style, it should be short enough that the reader can quickly get the gist of your opinion on your experience with the game.

I do not know if this style is the best way to recommend a game to a reader, nor do I know if it can become a popular or prevalent style of game reviews. What I do know is that it provides a framework for interesting games writing, which I is all I want to do.

Article By Taylor Kalsey

Autobiographical Road to Minimalism: Excessive Everything

For the last 40 years, my family’s business has been the buying and selling of stuff. We like to call ourselves antique dealers, but the vast majority of our wares is neither old enough nor appealing enough to be classified by anyone as antique. Our family has been active dealers at antique shows and flea markets all throughout Northern California since my grandma and mother started picking through garage sale dollar bins 43 years ago. When I was born, I was quickly recruited to unpack boxes of household glassware at Denio’s Farmers Market. On the way to the show every Sunday, just before dawn, my Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, and I pit stopped at AM PM for coffee, which was a necessary liquid kick in the ass to motivate us to work at five in the morning. Those early morning coffee runs gave me a headstart over my kindergarten classmates on learning about the joys of coffee while also giving me a head start on dental decay.

Growing up surrounded by the buying and selling of stuff led me to believe that items have inherent value, and that being successful means owning a mountainous amount of unique and noteworthy items, like my Grandma did. Naturally, I wanted to be successful, so I became a collector of whatever interested me. My family’s obsession with stuff was a privilege; I could leverage off of their experience to improve the quality and uniqueness of my loot. I had far too many beanie babies displayed in my room, whose hundreds of unblinking beady eyes often kept me wide awake at night. I had every toy, video game console, and Lego brick that a young boy could possibly hope for. My favorite oddity that I found, and still own, is a taxidermy of two frogs standing on their hind legs and playing pool.

As the antique business grew in 2011, my grandma’s collection of furniture, dishware, figurines, dolls, fake plants, toys, train sets, paintings, lamps, books, manikins, glassware, collectible cups, chandeliers, sports cards, comic books, magazines, taxidermies, knives, guns, vintage hats, jewelry, and six and a half foot tall  one-armed Jar Jar Binks statue occupied the space of a 5,000 square-foot a warehouse converted storefront, her house, and four 5×10-foot storage lockers. In 2014, my father started getting into the business and my parent’s collection of glassware, furniture, clothes, vintage shaving equipment, and vintage tobacco pipes soon threatened to outgrow our household. The collection became a major contributing factor to my family moving to a larger home.

My pile of stuff blossomed alongside my family’s. I had collectible Sacramento Kings memorabilia including flags, coins, bobbleheads and an autographed basketball. I once expressed an interest in a Star Wars-themed Mr. Potato Head so naturally my mother bought me everything that said Mr. Potato Head on it for the next five years. Because I was heavily involved in the Cub Scouts as a child, I had accrued a variety of memorabilia Eventually, my dresser became practically unusable, filled to the brim with a variety of clothes that I never wore.

As I entered college, I started to get fed up with the family business and the associated lifestyle. In 2014, our business started to shift away from the storefront and into running estate sales. For the uninitiated, estate sales are like extravagant yard sales, where everything in the house is up for grabs. In a typical sale, whomever owns the house passes away, their family doesn’t know what to do with all of their stuff, and they go on to hire companies like ours to run estate sales and sell everything for them.

The first day when preparing for a sale, we walk through the house which is at that point preserved like a museum of somebodies life. But we aren’t there to appreciate what that person had accomplished in their time or what unique experiences they had. We are only there to sell their stuff. We loot their life’s museum, only hoping to find items of value for our personal benefit. I often discover what month and year the person died in, because they have a calendar flipped open to August 2015. My grandma and grandpa are reaching the age where an estate sale of their own could be just around the corner, so the tables will be turned. Nobody will care about the people my grandfather has met around the world using his HAM radio equipment, they will just buy his radio receiver to resell on Ebay for a small profit. My grandma’s endless time and effort dedicating to helping those she loves won’t even be known by the customers, who only care about getting the best deal on her gold necklace.

One time, I made the mistake of getting attached to a recently deceased man who’d house we were turning inside out, looking for anything valuable (there wasn’t). We were dumping his clothes from his dresser into a garbage bag when I came across a small diary. The first entry was from the week after his wife died, in 1998. In that journal, he wrote about his loneliness and hopelessness all the way up until June 2014, where his last entry recited the banal log of his day. I was reading it, standing in his house, surrounded by all of his stuff organized on tables for sale in September 2014, only 3 months after his passing. I knew that his items wouldn’t be remembered, but I could carry on the memory of his life experiences. To this day, I still own a picture of a young man, smiling in with his giant M60 automatic machine gun with the Vietnam jungle and a helicopter patiently awaiting his arrival in the background. On the back side of the picture, written in his handwriting that I instantly recognized from the journal, was the single word “me”.

By 2015, I felt trapped underneath the piles and piles of stuff that confined me in all aspects of my life. Luckily, through the family business, I had a direct and effortless procedure to get rid of most of my clothes, potato heads, and all of my Kings memorabilia and personal Cub Scout artifacts. Becoming minimalist was my silent rebellion against my family and their hyper-consumerist lifestyle. I couldn’t stand being surrounded by stuff at work and at home, so I’ve always got my de-cluttered room as a safe haven after a full day of moving and organizing somebody else’s junk.

I no longer believe that success is directly correlated to the amount of stuff I have. My stuff isn’t how people will remember me, or how to enjoy the time that I have in life. I’ve received a twisted, firsthand lesson in how little importance items are in one’s life, and it has helped strengthen my belief in the importance of enjoyable, unique experiences with the people you care about. And while you are having these experiences, you don’t need to buy endless souvenirs to commemorate the trip, spend the potential shopping time relishing in your enjoyment of that experience. As Abraham Lincoln once said “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

Article By Taylor Kalsey

Hyper Light Drifter

Hyper Light Drifter feels like visiting a foreign country, where nothing makes sense, and you feel anxious exploring a place that is entirely alien to you. But after the first half hour, you realize that this foreign land isn’t exotic at all; there are grocery stores, restaurants, and parks, just like you’ve seen a thousand times before in your life. Everything is aesthetically unique and interesting, but the mystique disappears when you realize that women’s draped garb is just a dress, and not something entirely new to your vocabulary. The game is the equivalent of Dorothy saying “I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. Oh wait a minute, the tornado only flew me to Oklahoma.”

And in Hyper Light Drifter, I wanted to feel like Dorothy discovering the rules of this foreign world, but I only discovered that the gameplay feels entirely familiar. In the first 30 minutes, Hyper Light Drifter presents you with new mechanics, that are only intriguing because of the game doesn’t tell you what it is. The game succeeds at teaching it’s game mechanics without the use of language (except some sparse tool tips), but it doesn’t have much to teach you. You are familiar with shooting, slashing, dodging, upgrading, and fast travelling from other games, and once you quickly figure out those mechanics in this game, there isn’t anything more to discover. In The Witness the player is taught new puzzle mechanics constantly without the use of language and that process is rewarding, because of it’s depth. But there isn’t much to learn in Hyper Light Drifter, just recognizing that the seemingly exotic game structure is exactly what you’d expect from another isometric indie RPG.

Hyper Light Drifter becomes repetitious. Each of the four areas present new environments and enemies, but they are all structured the exact same way. The first part of each area is a primer for the visual themes and biome without any enemies. After encountering a few of the levels staple cannon-fodder type enemies, you are presented with an NPC, who after killing a few of those enemies themselves, highlights the boss and the keys to that boss on your map. Then you wander in the direction those keys until you find an elevator to a dungeon entrance, at the end of that dungeon you are rewarded with the key. After a certain amount of keys the door to the boss is unlocked. You beat the boss you get a bigger key to the final boss.

The presentation of the game significantly takes up the slack and carries the rest of the game on it’s shoulders. Disasterpeace’s synthetic bass-heavy ambient soundtrack supplements the intrigue and mystery of Drifter’s neon colored gorgeous pixel art environments.

The game is flashy, but the design is a flash in the pan. The combat and exploration are technically proficient, and I wouldn’t complain about them as much in another game, but Hyper Light Drifter tries so hard to be oblique in every way that the combat’s familiarity stands out as a significant shortcoming. This whole review is most likely just a lesson in expectations, because I started the game wanting to be surprised, but I was only surprised by my own disappointment. If you are looking for a challenging top-down RPG with style out the ass, this is the game for you. But I wanted discovery and I discovered everything mechanically within the first 30 minutes.

Article By Taylor Kalsey